From Jersey Diner---Belvidere Victorian Day 2007



Bill: (Biting opposite end of the donut) Well, I was thinkin’ maybe some New Jersey showbiz---


JoAnn: Sound’s good.


Vinny: What did you have in mind? TV, movies, Broadway?


Bill: Actually, all three. Did you guys know that two of the most legendary comedians of all time were born right here in New Jersey


Vinny: I know where you’re going with this Bill. You’re talking about Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes.


Bill: AKA Jay and Silent Bob!

(Vinny- Mewes imitation)


JoAnn: Oh, I think those guys are disgusting. I hated Clerks


Bill: Lots of people agree with you JoAnn, but they’ve been pretty successful ---- and I like the fact that they’ve brought a lot of positive attention to New Jersey. I’m actually a pretty big fan, I loved Dogma. And Chasing Amy is another of my favorites.


Vinny: My favorite is Clerks II, “mmmm cake.”


Bill: Anyway, whether you like them or not, they haven’t exactly attained “legendary” status. At least not yet. I’m referring to two of the biggest stars of burlesque , broadway, radio, movies, and television. (VFX) The truly legendary...Budd Abbot and Lou Costello


MusicV/O


Vinny: Abbot and Costello are regarded as the last great comedy team.


JoAnn: Bud Abbott and Lou Costello officially teamed up in 1936. Their career spanned 21 years.


Bill: Though the early years in burlesque were moderately successful, it was their appearances on radio that made them stars.


Vinny: In Hollywood, they made many of the highest earning films of the era, including Buck Privates, Hold That Ghost, and the cult classic Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein


JoAnn: In all, they made 36 films, their last being Dance With Me Henry in 1957.

                      

Bill: In addition, the team had continual success on radio and, eventually, on television.


Vinny: But perhaps they are best known for a comedy routine they began in burlesque, continued on radio, and eventually performed in movies and television.


JoAnn: "Who's on First?" is descended from turn-of-the-century burlesque sketches.


Bill: The routine had many evolutions over the years, and the original writer is unknown.


Vinny: But it was Abbott and Costello’s version of the routine that made it a classic.


JoAnn: In 1956, the routine was enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New Y ork..


Bill: In tribute to two New Jersey boys who made, we now proudly present a Jersey Diner rendition of the classic Abbott and Costello routine, "Who's on First?"

-----------------------------------------------------

Vinny: Hey guys, I’ve got great news!


Bill: Hi Vinny, what’ up?


JoAnn: What’s your good news?


Vinny: I got that sportswriter job I applied for. They just called.


Bill: Hey, that’s terrific Vinny.


JoAnn: Congratulations.


Vinny: There’s just one problem


Bill: What’s that?


Vinny: They want me to cover the baseball game....tonight!


JoAnn: So? What’s wrong with that. That’s what a sportswriter does, right?


Vinny: Yes, I know, but I don’t know anything about the team


Bill: Well, I guess that is a problem.


Vinny: But you guys follow the team, right? Maybe you can help me get prepared.

                           

JoAnn: Ok, Vinny, I’m sure we can help. What do you want to know?


Vinny: Well, for starters, I don’t even know who the players are.


Bill: Ok, we can help you with that.


Vinny: Oh, great guys. Thanks. I really appreciate it. So you go ahead and tell me some of the players’ names.


Bill: Now let's see. We have on the bags - we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.


Vinny: That's what I wanna find out.


JoAnn: He said Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third -


Vinny: You know the fellows' names?


Bill: Certainly!


Vinny: Well then who's on first?


Bill: Yes!

Vinny: I mean the fellow's name!


Bill: Who!


Vinny: The guy on first!


Bill: Who!


Vinny: The first baseman!


Bill: Who!


Vinny: The guy playing first!


Bill: Who is on first!


Vinny: Now whaddya askin' me for?


Bill: I'm telling you Who is on first.


Vinny: Well, I'm asking YOU who's on first!

       

Bill: That's the man's name.


Vinny: That's who's name?


Bill: Yes.


Vinny: Well go ahead and tell me.


Bill: Who.


Vinny: The guy on first.


Bill: Who!


Vinny: The first baseman.


Bill: Who is on first!


Vinny: Does the 1st baseman have a contract?


Bill: Absolutely.


Vinny: Who signs the contract?


Bill: Well, naturally! It’s no good unless he signs it.


Vinny: It’s no good unless who signs it.


Bill: No.


Vinny: So who signed it.


Bill: Absolutely!


Vinny: When the first baseman gets paid every month, who gets the money?


Bill: Every dollar. Why not? The man's entitled to it.


Vinny: Who is?


Bill: Yes. Sometimes his wife collects it.


Vinny: Who's wife?


Bill: Yes.

       

Vinny: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.


JoAnn: Oh, no - wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is on second base.


Vinny: I'm not askin' you who's on second.


JoAnn: Who is on first.


Vinny: I don't know.


JoAnn: He's on third - now we're not talkin' 'bout him.


Vinny: Now, how did I get on third base?


JoAnn: You mentioned his name!


Vinny: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?


Bill: No - Who's playing first.


Vinny: Never mind first - I wanna know what's the guy's name on third.


JoAnn: No - What's on second.


Vinny: I'm not askin' you who's on second.


Bill: Who's on first.


Vinny: I don't know.


JoAnn: He's on third.


Vinny: Aaah! Would you please stay on third base and don't go off it?


Bill: What was it you wanted?


Vinny: Now who's playin' third base?


JoAnn: Now why do you insist on putting Who on third base?


Vinny: Why? Who am I putting over there?


Bill: Yes. But we don't want him there.


Vinny: What's the guy's name on third base?


JoAnn: What belongs on second.


Vinny: I'm not askin' you who's on second.


Bill: Who's on first.


Vinny: I don't know.


All: THIRD BASE!


Vinny: Does the team have an outfield?


JoAnn: Oh yes!


Vinny: The left fielder's name?


JoAnn: Why.


Vinny: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.


JoAnn: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.


Vinny: Alright, then tell me who's playin' left field.


Bill: Who is playing fir-


Vinny: STAY OUTTA THE INFIELD! I wanna know what's the left fielder's name.


JoAnn: What's on second.


Vinny: I'm not askin' you who's on second.


Bill: Who's on first.


Vinny: I don't know.


All: THIRD BASE!


Vinny: The left fielder's name?


JoAnn: Why.


Vinny: Because!


Bill: Oh, he's center field.


Vinny: Look, they gotta pitcher on this team?


JoAnn: Now wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher.


Vinny: The pitcher's name.


JoAnn: Tomorrow.


Vinny: You don't wanna tell me today?


JoAnn: I'm tellin' you now.


Vinny: Then go ahead.


JoAnn: Tomorrow.


Vinny: What time?


JoAnn: What time what?


Vinny: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who's pitching?


Bill: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is on fir-


Vinny: I'll break your arm if you say Who's on first. I wanna know what's the pitcher's name.


JoAnn: What's on second.


Vinny: I don't know.


All: THIRD BASE!


Vinny: You got a catcher?


Bill: Oh, absolutely.


Vinny: The catcher's name.


Bill: Today.


Vinny: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.


Bill & JoAnn: Now you've got it.


Vinny: All we've got is a couple of days on the team.


Bill: Well, I can't help that.


Vinny: Well, I'm a catcher too.


Bill: I know that.


Vinny: Now suppose that I'm catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and their heavy hitter gets up.


Bill: Yes.


Vinny: Tomorrow throws the ball. The batter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me being a good catcher, I wanna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?


Bill: Now that's the first thing you've said right.


Vinny: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!


Bill: Well, that's all you have to do.


Vinny: Is to throw the ball to first base.


Bill: Yes.


Vinny: Now who's got it?


Bill: Naturally!


Vinny: If I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta catch it. Now who caught it?


Bill: Naturally!


Vinny: Who caught it?


Bill: Naturally.


Vinny: Who?


Bill: Naturally!


Vinny: Naturally.


Bill: Yes.


Vinny: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.


Bill: NO, NO, NO! You throw the ball to first base and Who gets it?


Vinny: Naturally.


JoAnn That's right. There you go.


Vinny: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.


JoAnn: You don't!


Vinny: I throw it to who?


JoAnn: Naturally.


Vinny: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!


JoAnn: You're not saying it that way.


Vinny: I said I throw the ball to Naturally.


JoAnn: You don't - you throw the ball to Who?


Vinny: Naturally!


JoAnn: Well, say that!


Vinny: THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING! I throw the ball to who?


JoAnn: Naturally.


Vinny: Ask me.


JoAnn: You throw the ball to Who?


Vinny: Naturally.


Bill: That's it.


Vinny: I throw the ball to first base and who gets it?


Bill: Naturally!


Vinny: Who has it?


Bill: Naturally!


Vinny: HE BETTER HAVE IT! I throw the ball to first base. Whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow - triple play.


Bill & JoAnn: Yes.

Vinny: Another guy gets up - it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn!


Bill: What was that?


Vinny: I said I don't give a darn!


JoAnn: Oh, that's our shortstop!