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Original scripts for youth, school and community theatre productions written by Bill Scurato

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The Princess Mystery

by

Bill Scurato











                                                                 ©  2014

All Rights Reserved















The Company:


Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Sun’s out and glowing, glowing glowing

Clouds floating by and the breeze is flowing

Beautiful day

What’s more to say


Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Young love is growing growing growing

Seems right

for deep mellow wedding bells to ring out today



Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Robins are chirping, chirping chirping

Everyone smiles saying how are you so  

Happy are they

Hip! Hip! Hooray!


Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Young love is growing growing growing

Seems right

for deep mellow wedding bells to ring out today

    

Scene 1


Princess Louise :(entering…all smiles)  Hello, welcome to the Kingdom of Wonderhaven….a kingdom full of “wonderful” adventures.  My name is Princess Louise.  What’s yours?  Oh, don’t be shy, when I count to three everyone please call out your name, ok?  Here we go… one, two…three! (Hopefully there’ll be a response.  If not, try it once more)  Oh, that was great!  Thank you.  I’m so glad you could join me today.  I have a feeling I’ll be needing lots of help from all of you.  Now, let me introduce you to a few people.  As I said, I am Princess Louise and my father is the King of Wonderhaven.  Here is my Father now…King Cholly The Jolly.  


(Lights come up on King Cholly)


King Cholly: (Exuberant laugh)  Ah what a wonderful day it is! (big Laugh)  I’m in a wonderful mood. (another big Laugh) And look at all the wonderful boys and girls who have come to visit me.  (still another) That makes me so happy.  And when I am happy, I love to laugh. (humongous laugh which sends him rolling on the floor)


Princess Louise: Can you guess why he’s called King Cholly The Jolly?  Can you? That’s right.  He’s called King Cholly the Jolly, because he loves to laugh.  My father is a very happy man.  In fact he laughs almost all the time.  The only time he is not very jolly is when he is around his wife…my step-mother….Queen Mary The Scary.


Lights come up on Queen Mary

SFX: Thunder crack—horrific screams


Queen Mary:  Oh, I get so tired of hearing that man laugh. (Imitates King Cholly’s laugh)  What a pain. I can never have a serious conversation with him because he is always laughing.  After his wife died I tricked him into marrying me// ..…I mean…I comforted him in his time of need.  And of course, because I am so sweet…he had no choice but to marry me.  But lately, he has been an absolute drip.  Not only that, he never buys me presents any more. (Then moving to Cholly who moves to her, continuously laughing)  Why do you never buy me any presents anymore.  I am wearing a hideous old dress and I ride around in an ancient, dented-up, old carriage…even my horse is old and tired. (Cholly’s laugh gets even bigger)   I am telling you Cholly, if you don not stop laughing, I will go mad…mad….mad.


They both exit (arguing and laughing all the way off stage)


Princess Louise: We will see more of them later.  Now I want you to meet my brother….Prince Louie.  He is a really nice fellow and a great brother.  He is my very best friend. Since our mother passed away, we have looked out for each other.  Louie is very excited today, because he plans to ask his girlfriend, Princess Lily-of-the-Glen to marry him.  I like Lily…a lot.  She is quite charming.  But I am very much afraid they might be in for some trouble and will need some help.  Will you help me help them?  Will you?  (response) Great.  Thank you.  Oh, here he comes.  I shall see you in a bit.  (She exits and Louis enters)



Scene 2

Louie enters with Lily.  He’s nervous and seems to be mumbling to himself.  Lily is concerned.


Lily:  Louie…Louie dear..whatever is the matter?


Louie: What?  The matter?  Oh, nothing my love.  Why do you ask?


Lily: Because you seem so very distracted.  You seem to be talking to yourself.


Louie: Oh..no….no my dear.  If I am distracted, it is because of your loveliness and beauty.


Lily:  Oh, Louie….such a flatterer. You are surely going to make me blush.


Louie:  I am sorry my dear Lily, but I can not help myself.  


Lily: Oh..pshah!  (Stepping away)  Look Louie, come here.  Look! I think I see a red-winged black bird.


Louie: Just a moment, my darling (Deliberately places a small box behind a tree stump or a similar hiding place.  Then, moving to Lily.  Maybe he pulls out a telescope.)  Oh, yes so it is…a red winged black bird.  (He does a bird call.  Lily joins him)


Lily:  Oh, Louie, we always have such great fun together.  I love being with you.


Louie:  And I, you.  In fact…There is something very important I have been wanting to ask you.


Lily:  Really, well then ask away.


Louie: (Nervously takes a deep breath) Yes…of course…ah…but first, there is something I need to give you.


Lily:  A present? For me?  Oh…how wonderful.


Louie: Yes…now let me just get it for you.  (He looks for the package but can’t seem to remember where he put it.)  Just a moment my dear.  I hope you will be pleased.


Lily:  Oh, hurry, Louie.  I am so excited.  Whatever can it be?


Louie: (more nervous laughter) Oh…you will find out…soon…(sotto voce) I hope.


Lily: (Starting to jump up and down)  Louie, my darling, hurry…I can not wait much longer.


Louie:  (After giving one last look around…he looks to audience)  Hello, there.  I wonder if you might help me.  When I first arrived here today I hid a small box somewhere…but now I can not remember where I put it.  (Secretly)  It is a ring for Lily.  Did any of you see me hide it? (Louise may enter to help with response)  You did…..where did I put it?  (Response. He looks around, but still can’t find it.  He moves around the stage responding to the audience's directions.  Finally he finds the box)  Aha, here it is.  At last!  Thank you all so very much.


Louise: (to audience) Yes, thank you. (Louise exits)


Lily:  What is taking you so long, Louie?


Louie:  Sorry, my dear.  A little complication.  But my friends here helped me through it.  Now…Princess Lily-of-the-Glen.  You just said how much fun we always have when we are together.  I would like us to be together always.  (Presenting her the ring)  Princess Lily…I love you.  Will you marry me?


Lily:  (Lily takes the ring and smiles.  Then she looks at Louie, returns the ring and turns away)  No!!!


Louie:  (Flabbergasted) No???


Lily:  No!!!


Louie:  But why?  I thought you felt about me, the same way I feel a bout you.


Lily:  Oh, Louie I do.  I do!  But I can not accept a proposal like that. You are a Prince, for crying out loud…you should know how to properly propose to the girl you love!


Louie:  But…but…what did I do wrong?


Lily:  If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you! (She starts to cry)


Louie:  Oh…no..no…no.  Do not cry, my darling!  I will figure this out.  (He looks out at the audience..then waves Louise onstage)  I presented the ring.  I told her I loved her.  And I asked her to marry me.  I can not think of anything else.  Can you?  (Louise may help. Kids respond  “you’re supposed to get down on one knee”)    Get down on one knee?  Really?  I don’t get it.  Like this?  (He kneels.   Audience responds.)  Oh, my. Thank you. Thank you very much.


(Louise gives the audience a thumbs up.)


Louie:  Lily?


Lily:  Yes.


Louie:  (Looks out at the audience for approval as he gets down on one knee)  Princess Lily-of-the-Glen.  I love you.  Will you marry me?

Lily: Oh…yes..yes..yes!!! Prince Louie of Wonderhaven…a thousand times yes—-I will proudly marry you!  (Louise leads applause)


Louie: Oh, Lily, you have made me the happiest prince in the world.  


Lily:  And you have made me the happiest princess.


Louie: Herald Harold!


Herald: (Entering on the run)  You beckoned your majesty?


Louie: Herald Harold, I have the most wonderful news.


Herald: You do, your majesty?  Oh, how exciting.  What might this wonderful news be?


Louie:  Princess Lily-of-the-Glen has accepted my proposal of marriage.  (Very excited)  She is going to marry me.  Herald Harold, meet your future queen.


Herald: (Kneeling before Lily)  Your humble servant, your majesty.  (Rises to Louie)  Congratulations sir!


Louie:  Harold, I want you to spread the news near and far.  There is to be a royal wedding and the whole kingdom is invited.  


Herald:  Fantastic!  Oh, happy day!  Yes, sir.  I shall begin at once. (Blows his horn.  Louie, Lily and Louise exit.)


(Brandenburg under.  Lollop, Cornelia, Cholly and Mary enter and listen)


Herald Harold:

For joy to all both near and far

Our prince has found his shining star

A royal wedding he proclaims

And all are welcome he exclaims


(Louise, Louie and Lilly join Herald Harold)


Young folks in love, oh, what a beautiful sight

Happy are we to sing our joy all night

Our kingdom is blessed as we cast off our fear.

Dance and rejoice and wish them both good cheer

(They exit)



Lollop:


Oh, no—not that~

This cannot be-

The Princess has to marry me.

I’ll not stand by, I’ll get my way.

And Lily by my side will stay.

(He exits)


Cornelia:


It always seemed that it would be

So very clear, he’d marry me.

We shared a kiss not long ago

I wonder why he had to go.

(She exits)


Cholly:  


A joyous day, my son’s to wed

The happy tidings must be spread

A royal wedding will ensue

To celebrate a love that’s true

(He exits)


Mary:

To marry Lily!! How obscene!

I’ll not allow a princess Queen

This wedding must not come to be

She’ll not be Queen instead of me

(She exits. Music segue into next scene)


Herald Harold, Louise, Louie and Lilly: (entering)


Young folks in love, oh, what a beautiful sight

Happy are we to sing our joy all night

Our kingdom is blessed as we cast off our fear.

Dance and rejoice and wish them both good cheer


(Herald Harold, Louie and Lily exit)



Scene 3


Louise: Enter Lollup, Earl of Underjockey…son of Queen Mary…and…..unfortunately…my step-brother. Ugh!!


(Lollup and Lily enter from opposite directions)


Lollup:  Lily, Lily, Lily!  What have you done?  Please tell me it is not true!


Lily: Lollup, please calm down.  What are you talking about?


Lollup: Oh, please!  You know…you know very well.  The news has spread throughout the Kingdom that you are planning to marry that weasel, Louie.


Lily: Lollup…first of all, it is not very nice to call Louie… Prince Louie…….. by such a scornful name.


Lollup: But….


Lily:  And secondly…(big smile) yes…it is true.  Joyously true.  (She swings him by the hands)  Prince Louie and I are to be married.


Lollup: (Drops her hands)  Well, that is just a fine how-do-you-do.  Just ducky!


Lily:  Oh, come now, Lollup.  Be happy for me.


Lollup:  Happy for you!  Lily, I have asked you to marry me at least one hundred times.


Lily:  Actually, it was more like two hundred.


Lollup:  Even worse.  And you always said “no.” You rejected me.! Why?  Why!!  What does that drip Louie have that I have not?


Lily:  Well, for one thing…he does not call people names, hmmm?


Lollup: Oh fiddle-faddle! …What else?


Lily: Lollup, you seem like a very nice boy….sometimes.  But the truth of the matter is… I just do not love you.


Lollup: You do not love me?  You do not love me?  Well that is no excuse.


Lily:  What?!


Lollup: Listen you, I always get what I want. (He stomps his foot) And I want you to marry me.  So what do you think about that?


Lily:  I am sorry Lollup, I am in love with Louie.


Lollup: (On the floor, kicking and screaming)  No!!  No!!! No!!! You must marry me.  You must, must, must!!!!!


Lily:  Lollup stop it.  You are making a spectacle of yourself.

  

Lollup: (On his feet)  I will make a spectacle of myself it I wish.  Now for the last time.  Forget Louie and marry me.


Lily:  I am so sorry Lollup but my answer is no.  (She exits)


Lollup: (Calling after her)  We shall see about this.  I am going to tell my mommy, the Queen on you.  She will see to it that you marry me.  You just wait and see. (Cries hysterically on his exit)



Scene 4


Louise: Enter, Lady Cornelia…a childhood playmate of Louie and me.


Cornelia:  Well, look who it is.  Prince Louie, of Wonderhaven.


Louie:  Hello Cornelia.  You have no doubt heard the happy news!  And you are here to congratulate me.  How nice.


Cornelia:  No, I am not here to congratulate you.  Are you crazy?  You are not really going to marry that green pepper are you?


Louie:  Hey…if you are referring to Princess Lily-of-the-Glen, I certainly am going to marry her.  I love her.


Cornelia: Really!  Hm… Louis…we have known each other since kindergarten.  We used to play together every day.  We went to the prom together.  Remember?


Louie:  Of course I remember Cornelia.  Those are wonderful memories.  


Cornelia: And.…you gave me my first kiss.  Remember that?  She moves to kiss him.


Louie: (pulling away) Cornelia, please.  I am an engaged man. I love Lily.


Cornelia: Poppycock!  All that green is going to drive you berserk. Green! Green! Green!  Oh, Louie…you were supposed to marry me.  


Louie:  What?  What are you talking about?


Cornelia:  Louie, we have been together forever.  I always assumed we would be married.  Did you not?


Louie:  No Cornelia, I did not.


(Cornelia turns away…weeping)


Louie:  Cornelia.  You are right.  We grew up together.  We have had lots of fun.  But as friends Cornelia, friends.  I always considered you my friend.  My very good friend…but nothing more. (He turns her around and hugs her)  Please don’t be upset.  Be my friend.  Be happy for me.  Please!?


Cornelia: (Forces a smile)  Yes, of course, Louie.  Of course. (Louie exits.  Cornelia weeps her way offstage)


Scene 5


Herald Harold: (Blowing his horn) The royal Court of King Cholly The Jolly and Queen Mary The Scary.


King Cholly: (A hearty laugh) Thank you Herald Harold. What business is before the court today?


Herald Harold: None that I am aware of your majesty.


Queen Mary: Oh, please there must be some peasant we can execute!


King Cholly: My dear!


Herald Harold:  There is that matter of your son’s wedding.  


Queen Mary: Ugh!!


Herald Harold: He has invited the entire kingdom, your majesty.  And I am not all sure we can fit everyone in the throne room.


King Cholly:  Oh, my (laughs)  that is a problem.  Hmm.  Well, I guess we will just have to build a bigger throne room.  (Big laugh)


Queen Mary: Cholly…your majesty.  I don’t understand how you can be so casual about this catastrophe.  


(Bell rings, Herald exits)


King Cholly: Catastrophe?


Queen Mary: Exactly.  Catastrophe.  Number one, Louie failed to seek council from us//…you…before jumping into this ill advised nuptial.  And number two… if you ask me, Princess Lily-of-the-Glen is not a suitable bride for your son.


King Cholly: Come dear, it is Louie’s choice.  I want him to be happy.


Queen Mary: May I remind you that if they marry this…..girl will be queen of Wonderhaven.  Do you really want to subject the entire kingdom to all that?!!!!


Cholly and Mary start arguing


Herald Harold: (Announcing) Prince Louie, the Royal Prince of Wonderhaven.


Louie: (Entering, moves to Cholly.  They embrace.)  Father!


King Cholly: Son!  (Big hearty laugh)


Queen Mary: Uh-hem!!!


Louie: (Bowing)  Your majesty.


Queen Mary: Oh, come now Louie.  Can you not call me…mother?


Louie: Of course. (Then painfully) Good day…Mother.


Queen Mary: Your father and I were just talking about you. (Looks at Cholly…no response…then, gruffly) Were we not your majesty?!!!


King Cholly: What?  Oh, yes. That’s right.  Now son, you really should have spoken to….us, before asking someone to marry you.


Queen Mary: What you do and who you marry reflects on the entire kingdom, son.  And frankly, we are not very pleased with your choice.


Louie:  What?  That is ridiculous.  I love Lily and she loves me.  And as far as I am concerned that is all that matters.  


Queen Mary: Well, your father feels quite differently….do you not, your majesty?!!


King Cholly: We’ll I…what I mean to say….


Louie: Father…I remember well how much you and my mother loved each other.  And I want that for me.  That is all I want.  You understand, do you not, Father?


King Cholly: (Serious at first but then breaking into laughter)  Of course, I understand son.  Congratulations.  I always liked Lily-of-the-Glen.  She is a hard worker and I am certain you and she will make a great team. (They embrace and shake hands)


Queen Mary: But this is appalling. I have heard…….from a very reliable source that this princess is provincial and totally uncouth.  Not at all fit to be a Queen…like me.


Louie: And who is this reliable source?!  My guess is it is your sissy son, Lollup.  And let me tell you something.  The only reason he is against this marriage is because he wants Lily for himself.


Queen Mary: (Gasp) That is absolutely absurd.  And how dare you refer to my Lolly-Wally as a sissy.  


King Cholly: (Sotto voce) Well, he is kind of a weirdo.


Queen Mary: What!! What did you say? You take that back, you laughing hyena!


Louie: How dare you speak to my father with such disrespect.


Queen Mary:  I will speak to him in any way I choose.  The truth be known…this little flirt Lily…is only after your money…Louie-boy.  (To Cholly) And if you were any kind of a man you would realize it…and put a stop to it.


King Cholly: But…


Queen Mary: Immediately!!!!


King Cholly: (Not so jolly) Son….I think your mother—


Louie: (correcting) Step-mother


King Cholly: I think your step-mother may be right.


Louie: No!!


(Queen Mary cackles)


King Cholly:  Yes, son. I think we had best postpone this wedding…at least for a little while.


Louie: But—-


King Cholly: It may be for the best, son.


Louie: Yes, Father. (He starts to exit)


Queen Mary:  You will thank us for this someday….son.


Louie: (Turns back)  I am not your son. Thank goodness.  Not now, not ever!  (Steps to Cholly)

Father, I love and respect you.  But I simply cannot abide by your wishes.  Lily and I are getting married.  With or without your blessing.  Goodbye Father.  (He exits.)


Queen Mary: (calling after him) Do not be foolish, Louie.  If you marry her, you will no longer be the Prince of Wonderhaven.  (Louie is gone)  Do not worry, my dear.  You have done the right thing.  He will never marry her against your wishes.  He has too much to lose.


King Cholly: (sadly) I am not so sure about that.  Love is a powerful thing. (He exits)


(Mary giggles victoriously, building into a happy strut.  Herald Harold sneaks up behind her and blows his horn in the area of her posterior.  Queen Mary lets out a shriek that is transformed into a loud sound effect as she is chased offstage by Herald Harold.)



Scene 6


Lily is whistling bird calls.  Louie enters.


Louie: Lily…Lily darling.  I must talk to you.


Lily: What is it dear?  You look upset.


Louie: The Queen…my step-mother…has convinced my father that we should not wed.


Lily: Oh, no!


Louie:  Yes.  She convinced him that you are only marrying me for my money.  I know that is not true, my darling.  And I told my father so.


Lily: That is ridiculous. Had I been there, I would have given them both a piece of my mind.  How could they do that to you….? What are we going to do?


Louie:  I told my father I would marry you with or without his blessing.


Lily:  But if we marry without his blessing, you will no longer be the Prince of Wonderhaven.


Louie:  I don’t care about that.  I want to marry you.


Louise:  (entering)  But, Lily is correct my brother.  You are risking your destiny of become a great king someday.


Lily:  Oh, dear.  What shall we do?


Louise: (to audience)  What do you think, friends.  Should Louie and Lily get married?  Yes or No? (Hopefully an automatic yes…but Lily and Louie might prompt the audience if necessary.)


Louie:  Thank you all very much. It is settled.  We’ll leave the kingdom.  Tonight.  We will find another place, where no one will stand in the way of our happiness.


Lily:  Oh, Louie, I love you.


Louie: And I love you.  (They kiss)  Now, go home and pack.  We will meet right back here tonight at midnight.


Lily:  Yes, my darling. (Both start to leave)  Oh, Louie!


Louie: My love?


Lily: When we meet at midnight, I am bringing something special.  


Louie: What is it?


Lily:  A golden apple.


Louie: (Excited) A gol- - (then incredulous) golden apple?


Lily: Yes, my love, a golden apple, left to me by my grandfather.  It grants to whomever is holding it, every wish come true.


Louie:  How wonderful, Lily.  But the only wish I have is to be forever with you.  Midnight?


Lily: Midnight!  (They exit)


( Mary, Lollup and Cornelia emerge from various hiding place.  They’ve all overheard the plan.)







Scene 6

12 Chimes


Darkness. Lily enters, carrying a travel bag and the golden apple.  Looking around for Louie and not finding him.


Lily: Louie!  Louie…are you here?  Louie, where are you?


(It gets even darker.  Out of the shadows emerges a masked, cloaked figure….two masked, cloaked figures. They quietly sneak up behind Lily and throw a burlap bag over her.  Lily screams and struggles to get free, hiding the apple in her pocket.  The two figures drag her away.)


Louie: (entering) Lily! Lily darling, I’m so sorry I’m late.  I couldn’t find my crown and then the dog pee’d on my leg and…. Lily? (looks around)  Lily where are you? (getting upset) Lily!!


Louise:  Louie, what is it?  What’s wrong?


Louie: Oh, Louise.  I was supposed to meet Lily here.  We were going to run away together.  But she is nowhere to be found.


Louise:  Perhaps she is running late.


Louie:  No, not Lily.  She is never late for anything.  In fact she is always early.  I fear something terrible has happened to her.


Louise: Now, there is no need to panic. (Looks out at audience) Wait, I have an idea.  Let us ask our friends if they saw anything.  (Both Louie and Louise move to audience)  Boys and girls, did anyone see what happened to Princess Lily?


(Kids respond……hopefully

Louie and Louise repeat the kids responses to recap)


Louie: Oh, no…this is a catastrophe.  I must find her.  If anything happens to Lily, I will never forgive myself.


Louise: We need help.  


Louie: From whom?


Louise: Remember…before our Mother left us (emotional…Louie puts his arm around her)….she said if we were ever in trouble…we could still call on her for help.


Louie: I remember.


Louise: Well, I think we are in trouble.


Louie: Yes, we are.


Louise:  Mother, if you can hear us…please give us a sign… Where is Lily?


(Music under)


Voice (echo):

Though Princess Lily’s heart is pure

Her golden fruit is insecure.

Who bears the apple granting wishes

Is of no doubt the most suspicious .



Louise: Apple?  What is she talking about?


Louie: Lily said she was bringing a golden apple that could make our dreams come true.


Louise:  So someone snatched Lily in order to get that golden apple.


Louie: And if we can find the apple…we can find Lily.


Louise:  Yes..I think that is it.


Louie:  Well, what are we waiting for….onward!


Louise:  Excelsior!


Scene 7

Fog…and spooky music.


The two cloaked figures lead a struggling, burlap bagged Lily onstage.  They remove the bag.


Queen Mary:  (trying to disguise her voice) All right chickadee….hand over that golden apple.


Lily: Never!


Lollup: (Tightening his grip) You’d better do as your told if you know what is good for you!


Lily: Lollop, is that you?


Lollup: Lollup…(laughs) hardly.  Whose Lollop?  I never heard of anyone named Lollop.


Queen Mary:  Silence!  Listen, girly-girl, if you ever want to see that Prince of yours again, you had better turn over that golden apple…and turn it over….NOW!


Lollup: (Giggles) Hey… apple turnover! Get it?  You said turn over the apple.  Apple turnover! (Laughs at his bad joke)


Lily: Louie! Is Louie all right?  (She hands over the apple)  Here, take it.  But please don’t harm Louie!


Queen Mary:  (Taking the apple)  Now you are getting smart!


Lollup:  (Still laughing) Apple Turnover…..


Queen Mary: (To Lollop)  Stop it!!!!!!  (Then, clutching the apple, Mary let’s out a sinister laugh.)  My every wish come true ‘aye?  Is that what you said?.  Very well…


A wish beget this princess, please

From this day forward hold a freeze

And ne’er again to move or speak

Until the day you hear me…shriek


(Lily freezes in place.)


Queen Mary:  (Evil Laugh)  It worked.  She has turned into a stone statue. This golden apple works like a charm. (More evil laughter) And I never, ever shriek…so this little problem is gone forever.  Cover her up and get her out of here. Hurry! (Mary exits, humming.  Lollup covers Lily with burlap and drags her stiff body offstage.)



Scene 8

King Cholly, Queen Mary and Lord Lollop are at Court.  Lady Cornelia is fanning Queen Mary. Herald Harold plays a fanfare.


Herald Harold: The Royal Court of King Cholly The Jolly.


Queen Mary: A-hem!


Herald Harold: Oh, beg pardon your majesty. ….(with disdain) and Queen Mary The Scary. (He exits)


Lollop: (Whiney) Mother I want a new pony.  My old one is too slow.  Get out your golden apple and wish me up a new pony, right now.


Queen Mary: Shhh!


King Cholly: What is your wimpy son whining about now—


Queen Mary: Oh, nothing my dear.  You know how boys will be boys—-


King Cholly: Hmm…indeed.  Excuse me, but nature calls.  

See if you can get him to stop bellyaching. That kid drives me bananas. (Lollop reacts.  Cholly exits)


Queen Mary: Thank you, Lady Cornelia, you are dismissed. (Cornelia exits. Mary smacks Lollop upside the head)  What is the matter with you?!  I told you, the golden apple is our secret.  We must not let anyone else know we have it.  Do not even mention it unless we are alone.


Lollop: (still whiney)  But I want a new pony!!


Queen Mary:  Oh, nonsense.  We have more important wishes to make…like getting me a million silver dollars, fancy jewelry  and new dining room furniture.


Lollop:  And making Princess Lily fall in love with me.


Queen Mary: Lollop!!  You must never again mention Princess Lily’s name.  Never! Ever!  If anyone finds out what we did to her, we will both be arrested and punished. Or worse! Do you understand me?


Lollop: Yes, Mother.  


Queen Mary: Now, come sit on Mommy’s lap. (Lollop sits on Mary’s lap and sucks his thumb.  Mary hums a tune)




Scene 9

Louise and Louie enter searching and calling for Lily.  Cornelia enters from the opposite direction.



Louie: Cornelia!


Cornelia:  Hello Louie.  It is nice to see you.


Louie: Cornelia, Lily is missing!  Someone grabbed her and took her away.


Cornelia: Oh, dear.  That is so awful.  I certainly hope she is all right.


Louise: Cornelia, tell us the truth.  Did you have anything to do with this?


Cornelia: What?!  Of course not.  Why would I get involved in so treacherous a scheme?


Louise: Because, you were jealous of Lily.  You wanted to marry my brother.  And maybe you thought if you could not have him, no one could!  So you grabbed her and are keeping her captive somewhere until Louie agrees to marry you.


Cornelia:  That is crazy-talk. (Moving to Louie) Yes, I care very much for Louie.  And I would have been honored to marry him.  But…. Louie made his choice.  I was hurt….yes, but I accepted it.  What I want most is for Prince Louie to be happy.  And I would never do anything to stand in his way.


Louie: I believe you, Cornelia. (To Louise) I believe her, Louise.  She had nothing to do with it.


Louise:  Then maybe she can help us find Lily.  (To Cornelia) Do you know anything about some magical golden apple?


Cornelia: Golden apple?


Louie: Yes…we have been told that if we can find a magical golden apple, we will know what happened to Lily.


Cornelia:  Golden apple?  No.  I know nothing of such an apple, I…. Wait a moment. Oh, my!  A little while ago, I heard Lollop asking his mother to get out her golden apple and wish him up a new pony.  


Louise: The Queen!  


Cornelia:  Yes. She shushed  him and changed the subject.  But she must have that apple!


Louie:  Yes.  And…..she must also know what happened to Lily. We have to hurry!  Onward!


Cornelia:  May I come with you?


Louise:  Of course.  Excelsior! (They exit)



Scene10

Lollop is still sitting on Mary’s lap.


Lollop: (whimpering) Oh, Mother, I am miserable.  I beg of you, please use your golden apple to wish me up a pony?  Please, Mother!  Please!


Queen Mary:  Sonny, I told you.  We must keep that apple a secret for a while.


Lollop: Why?


Queen Mary: Because that golden apple is not really ours.  We stole it from Lily, remember?


Lollop: Yes, Lily, I forgot. Oh, Mother, I loved Lily.  I wanted to marry her.  But she rejected me….over and over again. Yet, I feel so badly about what we did to her….turning her into a stone statue.  How awful!


Queen Mary:  Now, Lollup, that is another secret we must  keep between the two of us.  Lily was in our way. We had to do something. If she had married Louie, she would have become Queen.  Do you know what would happen then? You and I would be o-u-t, out!  We just couldn’t have that.


Lollop: What do you mean?


Queen Mary:  It means I would not be Queen any more.  I would have to get a job!!  


Lollop:  (Laughs) Oh, Mother, working…..at a job. That’s funny.


Queen Mary: And so would you!


Lollop:  Me!?  (starts crying)


Queen Mary: Now, calm down baby boy.  Mommy’s going to make everything all right.

(Lollop continues to cry)


Herald Harold: (fanfare) Prince Louie, Princess Louise and Lady Cornelia.


(Louie, Louise and Cornelia enter)


Louie:  Where is my father?


Queen Mary: I am not certain.  He excused himself quite some time ago.  I think he went to the little boy’s room.


Louise: We must speak with him right away.


Queen Mary: Perhaps I can be of assistance.


Louie: I really don’t think so.  


Louise: This a private matter.


Queen Mary:  Come now.  I am your mother—


Louie:  Step-mother- -


Queen Mary: Oh, potato, potahto.  Whatever it is, surely you can trust me?


Louie: Trust you?


Louise: (Turning to the audience)  What do you think, boys and girls.  Do you think we can trust Queen Mary the Scary?


(Hopefully the kids will say “no” and Mary will step down stage trying to convince them to say yes. After a short build, Louise signals for quiet.  Maybe Herald Harold can blow his horn. )


Louie:  Sorry “Mother”  but our friends out there haven’t steered us wrong yet.  We are not telling you anything.


Lollop:  Mother…get your magic golden apple and turn them all into stone just like you did to Lil—-


Queen Mary:  Lollop!!!


Louie: Lily…turned into stone?!!!  You turned Lily to stone?


Louise:  So it was you.  You do have the golden apple.


Queen Mary:  Ridiculous!  Lollop was confused.  He is not that smart you know.


Lollop: Mother!


Queen Mary: Face it, son.  You are not.  I certainly know nothing about some magical golden apple.


Louie: Yet Lady Cornelia said she heard you and Lollop talking about it earlier.  Right, Cornelia?


Cornelia: That is correct, sire.  I heard Lollop asking Queen Mary to use the golden apple to wish him up a pony.


Queen Mary:  You…you.…Cornelia….you are nothing but a…but a….big busybody and a blabbermouth.  You know as well as I, that nothing like that ever happened.


Lollop: Oh, Mother.  It did happen—just like she said.  Do you not remember?—


Queen Mary: (Yelling) LOLLOP!  BE QUIET!


(All start arguing.  Let this go a while.  Then…)


Herald Harold: (fanfare) King Cholly, the Jolly.

(Cholly enters eating an apple….he’s down to the core)


King Cholly: Hello, everybody.  What in Wonderful Wonderhaven is all the yelling about?


(All start arguing again.  Cholly signals Herald Harold to blow the horn again.  They quiet down.)


King Cholly: Now one at a time. What is going on?  Son?


Louie: Father.. Princess Lily, my love, has  been turned to stone by a magical apple and—


Queen Mary: (Interrupting) I am the Queen.  Let me go first.


King Cholly:  Turned to stone?  But- -  Oh, very well, my dear.  Go ahead. (Takes a final bite out of the apple)


Queen Mary:  This is ridiculous.  No one has turned to stone.  And whoever heard of a magical apple.   Why, I have never heard such rubbish  in all my days.  It is positively ludicr— (noticing the apple core in Cholly’s hand)…..Darling where did you get that apple?


King Cholly: This? (holds up the core)  Oh…it was under our bed.  I came across it when I was looking for my underwear.  It was delicious. Uhh.. the apple, not the underwear (Laughs)   So juicy. I don’t know how it got under our bed?  I’d offer you a bite but, it’s all gone—-


Queen Mary: You nincompoop! Give me that apple!  Give it to me now!!!


King Cholly: All right, all right.  Here.  I didn’t realize you were so hungry, darling.


Queen Mary:  (Holding up the apple core)  I wish for one million silver dollars!!! (Everyone pauses…nothing happens) I wish for a treasure chest full of diamonds and pearls (nothing happens)  I wish for Dame Lindy Lawford dining room furniture!(Nothing. With each failed wish, Mary weeps louder)


Lollop:  (Grabbing the apple core)  I wish for a pepperoni pizza!


Queen Mary: (to Cholly) You doofus!  You knucklehead!  You have ruined everything.  You ate my magical golden apple.  And now it is not magical any more. (She cries)


King Cholly: Will someone please tell me what is going on?


Louise:  Princess Lily was given a golden apple by her grandfather.  But the Queen and Lollop captured her, took the apple and used it to turn Lily into a statue of stone.


King Cholly: Why, this is outrageous. Scary Mary…explain yourself!


Queen Mary: I don’t have to explain myself to you or anyone else.  I’m the Queen you know…


King Cholly:  Is that so….well, Queenie..…as your King, I hereby arrest you, banish you and your silly son to the castle tower forever—there, to spend the rest of your days listening to Kid Rock records.


(Queen Mary and Lollop cry)


Louie: But we still haven’t found Lily. (All pace and mumble trying to come up with an idea. Suddenly Herald Harold seems to become inspired.  He moves to Queen Mary, and blows his horn as loud as he can, near her posterior.  Mary jumps appropriately and lets out a shriek.)


Cornelia:  What a shriek! (Covers her ears) I’ve never heard such a loud shriek in my life.  My ears hurt.


Lollop:  Mother…remember your shriek will break the spell on Lily!


(Maybe a recording of Mary’s wish or some other device to remind the audience that her shriek would break the spell)


(Queen Mary’s shriek becomes progressively louder and is eventually taken over by a loud sound effect.  Lily hops onstage obviously unfrozen.  She is helped out of her burlap and runs to Louie.  They kiss.  


Louise:  Three cheers for Lily and Louie.  Hip-hip—Hoo-ray! Hip-hip—Hoo-ray! Hip-hip—Hoo-ray!



Scene11


A Wedding march.


Cholly & Louie enter from one side.  Louise and Cornelia enter from the other side.  Then Lily makes a grand bridal entrance.


Herald Harold:  Do you Prince Louie of Wonderhaven take Princess Lily-of-the- Glen to be your wife from this time onward— to share in life’s wonderful adventures—to dream the same dreams—and to forever love and inspire each other?


Louie:  I do.


Herald Harold:  And do you, Princess Lily-of-the- Glen, take Louie, Prince of Wonderhaven   to be your husband from this time onward— to share in life’s wonderful adventures—to dream the same dreams—and to forever love and inspire each other?


Lily:   I do.


Herald Harold: If any person knows of any reason why this couple should not be wed, let him or her speak now…or forever hold his or her peace.


Queen Mary and Lollop, both gagged and in burlap…hop onstage protesting as loudly as they can.


Herald Harold: (Leaning toward them, cupping his ear)  What’s that?  What?  I’m sorry I can not seem to understand you. Therefore…by the power vested in me by the royal court of King Cholly The Jolly, I now pronounce you man and wife.  You may kiss the bride. (They do)


All:

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Sun’s out and glowing, glowing glowing

Clouds floating by and the breeze is flowing

Beautiful day

What’s more to say


Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Young love is growing growing growing

Seems right

for deep mellow wedding bells to ring out today



Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Robins are chirping, chirping chirping

Everyone smiles saying how are you so

Happy are they

Hip! Hip! Hooray!


Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful Wonderhaven

Young love is growing growing growing

Seems right

for deep mellow wedding bells to ring out today



All applaud. Music out.